Today someone asked me what depression is like for me.
Depression is complicated.
And everyone has their own different view on it.But for me,this is it.
Depression is wanting to be alone but still wanting people to care about you.It's avoiding talking about your problems but hoping that someone notices that you're really breaking inside.Depression is laughing all day,being strong,smiling,talking,solving other people's problems,carrying the weight of the world and going to bed that night falling into pieces,trying to catch your breath in the middle of your tears and wondering who will carry your weight.
.Depression is pushing people away and expecting them to stay but still pushing and pushing and still silently begging them to stay.
It is not wanting your self and hoping that other people want you.
And sometimes you're on top of the world and the next minute you come crumbling down.One minute you're hopeful and the next you feel like you have no purpose.
Other times you feel like you need a break.
A break from life,a break from people a break from the world.Cause maybe they break you enough.And other times it's not really death you want,just a coma maybe.
The worst part of it,is that you don't choose to be that way but you still are,you don't choose to be negative but still are,you don't choose to not be okay but it's still like that over and over again.And sometimes you don't even know what the problem is,and you try finding a solution to an unknown thing or is it a feeling.
Depression is heavy.It's complicated.It's so hard.And it's so exhausting.
It's like drowning and you feel yourself sinking and you try screaming but no voice comes out,and you try swimming up but you can't and you try breathing but you also can't and slowly by slowly you feel like you're gonna lose it but hoping that someone will dive right in and save you.
That's my definition.
Depression is complicated.
And everyone has their own different view on it.But for me,this is it.
Depression is wanting to be alone but still wanting people to care about you.It's avoiding talking about your problems but hoping that someone notices that you're really breaking inside.Depression is laughing all day,being strong,smiling,talking,solving other people's problems,carrying the weight of the world and going to bed that night falling into pieces,trying to catch your breath in the middle of your tears and wondering who will carry your weight.
It is not wanting your self and hoping that other people want you.
And sometimes you're on top of the world and the next minute you come crumbling down.One minute you're hopeful and the next you feel like you have no purpose.
Other times you feel like you need a break.
A break from life,a break from people a break from the world.Cause maybe they break you enough.And other times it's not really death you want,just a coma maybe.
The worst part of it,is that you don't choose to be that way but you still are,you don't choose to be negative but still are,you don't choose to not be okay but it's still like that over and over again.And sometimes you don't even know what the problem is,and you try finding a solution to an unknown thing or is it a feeling.
Depression is heavy.It's complicated.It's so hard.And it's so exhausting.
It's like drowning and you feel yourself sinking and you try screaming but no voice comes out,and you try swimming up but you can't and you try breathing but you also can't and slowly by slowly you feel like you're gonna lose it but hoping that someone will dive right in and save you.
That's my definition.
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